How Self -Compassion Heals You From Inside Out
By Lori English
Many of us are used to bashing ourselves and not saying nice things when we make a mistake. If you judge yourself and are critical you may lack self -compassion. We live in a world that people are highly critical of themselves and others, however, self-compassion is a process that can help you feel better about yourself.
What is Self-Compassion?
The description of self compassion is allowing yourself to make mistakes and being kind to yourself. Treating yourself the same way you would treat a friend that is hurting. We all Make mistakes. This is part of the learning process but somewhere in our subconscious mind we are forgetting that mistakes are part of everyone's life. Self -Compassion is Being Kind to ourselves and showing it by :
- Taking Care of Yourself.
- Be Your own Advocate and stand up for yourself.
- Forgive yourself for past. If you feel sad about something you done past let it go because holding on will only keep you stagnated and stuck.
- Use your time wisely and learn coping techniques which can help you decrease stress.
- Exercise daily and Get outside when You can.
- Spend time with friends that are supportive to you.
- Spend time alone and do something that you enjoy. Nature, walking, or take a class.
In our past we have buried traumas that are in our sub-conscience mind and remembering the details is not always easy. It's not always easy to remember these traumatic incidences, for a good reason our brain used defense mechanisms keep us safe and shut down the memories. Traumatic times are buried deep for a reason for the protection of self so being able to recolonize feelings can be the first step healing the past woulds with therapy .
Trauma is another whole separate entity that is treated with different techniques and new, exciting, ways that are healing others and helping them feel better overall.
Tips To Practice Restructuring Your thoughts
1. Recognize- Take Mental note when you are being hard on yourself. I could of done this better. I should have been done yesterday. These are cognitive distortions, but they are actually telling your brain You Could of and Should Have which are preparing your brain and priming it for negativity.
2. Reconstruct - Develop a new way of talking to yourself by reconstructing your thought patterns and how you talk to yourself. Example Below. I will prepare myself fully next time. I made a mistake its okay we all make them. These are examples of ways to construct different thought patterns that are kinder to yourself and show self-compassion.
The process of feeling self-aware can help with learning coping skills that can be used everyday to help with stress management and overall life skills
. Can You Learn Self Compassion? How we develop kindness towards ourselves is constructed how we feel about yourself .
Yes , you can Learn Self Compassion for yourself. According to Kristen Kneff, and many practitioners it is possible to learn to self sooth yourself and be kind to yourself . Example.
You are attending your second interview for the job of your dreams and you are very excited. This could be the one. The Manager calls , " I'm Sorry but we choose another person for the job" You are feeling upset and disappointed. What do you do? You can be kind and treat yourself with respect and kindness instead of being judgmental and harsh.
You can use self compassionate statements such as I did the best I can, I will get the next one. I might feel disappointed, but I am am still a good person and qualified for a job. I didn't get this job, because better one is coming with great benefits and people", the positive allows your mind to shift and not be so devastated.
Research according to Kristen Kneff, P.h.D and wrote the book titled '' The Proven Power of Being Kind To Ourselves" explains the difference between being kind to ourselves vs be self-compassionate.
Being compassionate is being open to the experience of no judgment towards yourself. Its a mindset that includes letting things just be. Research by Kristen Neff, she describes self compassion as " Being Open to who are Suffering" as the eastern Philosophy.
If your open to helping others and you treat yourself with compassion this will spiral down to others that you have relationships, friends, families, and big communities. the kindness and compassion instead of counting on others to do is a lot healthier. Relationships will be healthier and you need will be fulfilled a lot faster if you are able to show kindness and compassion to yourself. http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/ https://youtu.be/rUMF5R7DoOA
Having boundaries is important to having a healthy relationship and by being able to say no when you cannot do something is important to keeping yourself healthy. It may not be easy to say no to loved ones , but taking care of yourself is a necessity.
If you can find ways to care and love yourself it can increase the value of your interactions with others and they will become fulfilling and fun to be around others rather than stressed or anxious.
Applying Boundaries is important because it sets you up to have healthier relationships so its easier to say no when you are not in the mood or just don't feel up to doing anything. Teaching yourself simple statements such as these are very helpful in the practice of self -compassion. " You are Stupid and Lazy." "You will Never do anything with your life"
As caregivers and parents to realize that our talk to children affects them now . If we can step back and cool down, first, before we react to our children and teach them how to effectively . Teaching them ways to solve problems rather then to dismiss them. Parenting is one of the hardest is but the most rewarding if you have self compassion for yourself this can help in raising your children by increasing your patience and showing them mindful ways of reacting without yelling or emotional outbursts.
Parenting And Self- Compassion
Discussion on self- esteem and self compassion are a very debatable between psychologists and mental health worker's who differ on the some of the practices of encouraging your child and how much is too much. First, each child needs different types of type of encouragement so that means we have to pay special attention in what are child is saying and what they are communicating nonverbally.
The psychologists that are talking about too much and saying that children's personality can turn into narcissists are discussing you constantly give a child " fake Praise' or too much .
If you can have a balance of when the child is doing well communicate that with your child. " You are doing well in Your English class Good Job." children need to know that they are doing a good job so when they are an adult their need for self compassion will be given to themselves, and they will not look for others to perform this deed.
Future of Research and Self Compassion
The future of self compassion and research has made major strides that prove that it is important to our children's development and to ourselves. It is healthy to have time to be with yourself and love you. In this society we are not taught that way, although a lot of women are more independent and have careers we need to a part of a big evolution that teach our children autonomy and how valuable it is to take care of yourself rather than depend on anyone.
It makes very good sense according to the researcher Kristen Kneff, stop chasing after self esteem when you can give yourself self compassion and it will soothe you. She also states there is no reason to keep analyzing just give yourself the self love it wants and deserves. Mindfulness is facilitated in many behavioral health facilities which teach compassion training, Kristenn Kneff, started a program on Self -Compassion in which therapists, trainers, are expected to attend a 36 week class and learn.
Many techniques are learned and demonstrated to help others in the self -compassion aspect of their life. Being Kind to yourself everyday should be part of our daily living but, their are so many people that do not know how to take time for them. It's important to your health and the health of everyone around you to be here fully .